Confessions of Jersey Girl

Lately, I feel like I just plain haven’t had anything to say anymore.  I feel like i’m constantly complaining, whining about one thing or another and that’s now what I want this blog to be about.  I feel like all I write about is my relationship, nothing interesting EVER happens to me.   I’ve been sort of feeling a little unmotivated lately.  I used to sit up all hours of the night thoughtfully posting comments on everyones blogs and I just got SO STRESSED OUT about it that I stopped.  I comment still, but here and there.  I feel like after the move to wordpress and all of the jumping around i’ve done, I lost a lot of people reading, I feel like…  I don’t know.  I just sort of lost my gusto.

I tried video blogging with Sara a lot, but I felt like even that got a little boring.  I tried penning out a schedule of topics to write about on certain days of the week, but I feel like I just don’t have time and i’m just not creative enough to pull it off.  I’m not a great writer and i’ve never pretended to be.  I’ve always written for myself, not an audience.  I don’t know… i’m just… lost.

I don’t think I want to stop blogging all together, I just don’t want to feel so obligated to do it all of the time.  I haven’t posted a real entry in some time and it’s been wearing on me. I’ve seriously been sitting around all sorts of stressed out trying to think up something to post about.  I don’t like feeling that way.

Right now, I haven’t got much going on in my life.  I work, I go to school, I work out, I have Steve, I have a few girlfriends… but nothing interesting really ever happens.  I feel like i’m droning on and on about the same stuff and who wants to read that?!

So, I don’t know what i’m going to do just yet.  I just posted those few words on twitter and I didn’t want to freak everyone out, I felt like I owed you all an explanation. Even if I do decide to take an extended break from the blog world, I’ll still keep up with you guys… I couldn’t give that up if I tried.

What keeps you blogging?  What keeps your content different from entry to entry?  Is there anything you would like to see me write about?  (Maybe that will get my creative juices flowing…)

things are okay.  i’ve been a little removed from blogging lately and i know that.  i’m just trying to get my wits about me and figure out what’s next.

the army is still up in the air unfortunately, so we’ll see.

i’m just tired.  tired of being unsure.  i feel like i’m constantly complaining about something but i have so much to be thankful for.

You are loved.  I know that you’ve heard it before, but take a moment to really think about it.  Think about the people who see something special in you—something worth treasuring.  Think about the ones who feel blessed because you are in their life, in whatever way.  Because no one in forced to love you.  Yet they choose to, every day.

Hating is easy.  It’s as simple as picking out something in another person—however small or big—and running with it.  But loving, that isn’t so simple.  Loving another is an investment, and it is not as easy as settling on a single aspect of a person.  To love takes work.

So RIGHT NOW, stop reading this and think about all the people who consider you worth it.  Think of all the ones who are willing to put an emotional investment into you.  Think about the people who care about you and see something wonderful in you.

Yes, you are loved.

A little over two years ago (February 2007), I was in a heinous car accident one day as I was driving home from work in the snow.  I wasn’t going fast, maybe… 30 mph.   A woman behind me in a Jeep Grand Cherokee lost control of her vehicle, plowed into the rear end of my car, spun my car around, took off the ENTIRE front end of my car and landed off to the side of the road while my car was stuck in the middle of the parkway.

Neither of us were injured really, I bumped my head on the steering wheel and banged my knee… but nothing severe.  We both refused medical treatment at the scene.  When the state troopers arrived, he didn’t even do a walk around of my car, missing the back end where she hit me first.   He asked me a few questions and then told me I could go.  I thought it was odd… he didn’t take any sort of formal statement, but whatever.  So, I left.

After I got home and thought about it for a bit, I thought that it was really odd that the Trooper hadn’t taken a statement from me, so I called the station and requested to speak with him. I explained to him what happened and that she hit me.  Apparently, she told him a different story stating that I lost control of my vehicle and hit her.  After being chastised about how I couldn’t possibly have been looking in my mirror and how I had just been in an accident on the parkway… he didn’t believe my story and I would be receiving my ticket for careless driving in the mail.   How unfair I thought, but oh well.  I did what I could.  I paid the ticket and never thought anything of it.

A few months after that, the insurance company called and told me that the woman in the vehicle that hit ME was claiming she was injured.  I gave the insurance company my statement and then never heard anything from them again.  Until today.  They called and spoke with my mother (my car and my insurance was in her name when I was in the accident) and let her know that this woman was still pursung the case and that there is a 99% chance that it won’t even affect us, that the insurance company will be able to settle it before it ever even gets to that point.  I have 300k bodily harm limits on my car insurance, so it’s unlikely that it will go beyond that.  She was FINE, absolutely 100% FINE at the scene.

It really upsets me that getting away with the accident being my fault and not hers wasn’t good enough for her that she needs to come after me for money.  MORE money than she already got from insurance.  I’m in shock that people can me so underhanded and so greedy.  There is a small chance that this could turn out to be a really big deal, but i’m really hoping that it doesn’t come down to that.  Say a prayer for me.

The lovely Miss Kyla Bea is totally one of my internet BFFs.  Her photoshop skills and expertise on wordpress self hosted blogs has saved my life on more than one occasion.  She is a constant source of support and the best advice, she’s one of those people that always seems to say the perfect thing to make someone feel better.  She has the most adorable two puppies, her own etsy shop, a husband and is working on a hundred year old house that they just moved into… she’s one busy lady.  She always has something wonderful to write about, so please… do yourself a favor and check this lovely lady out, you can thank me later. :)

Who are you?
Kyla Bea, thanks for asking!

At KylaBea.com or on Twitter

.

That it’s more han possible to have grown up responsibilities and still have a lot of twenty something fun. That I’m trying things, failing at things, and keep putting myself out there. That getting married is fun but doesn’t change your relationship, that it’s easier to be crafty and eat good food than it seems to be, and that vegetarians aren’t all evangelical sorts.

I started blogging in 2001 or 2002 on diaryland, livejournal, and deviantart. I started using the name Kyla Bea in 2007, starting and stopping a number of times on Wordpress (including a short stint being self hosted). This past summer I started again and something stuck! I started because I needed a place to vent about friends, family, and relationships. Over time that has changed into a need to share and tell stories, which makes for much less disruption and conflict around my blogging!

I really like working with my sewing machine to alter vintage and thrifted clothes. I get inspiration from street style blogs, magazines, my little sister (who I should just pay to build my wardrobe for me!), and from frustration. A lot of the time I end up feeling a lack – my neck is cold all the time so I’ll make a giant cowl to stay warm, or I don’t have any texture in my clothes so I make frilly flower pins and fascinators for my hair. I get inspiration from daydreaming instead of shutting down that playful side of my brain.

From the bottom, and only because of the Simpson’s episode when Marge & Homer lose the kids. One of the Child & Family Services workers makes a note that theirs is installed incorrectly and it always flashes in my mind when I change them!

I’m a bit of a control freak so I don’t scrunch many things and toilet paper seems like a dangerous place to start.

Rice milk, my lunch for the next day all pre-packaged, left overs, hummus, babaganouj, brie, home made jellies, garlic cloves for roasting, and about 10 kinds of mustard.

Oh gosh…You really don’t want to know. It’s like… It’s cold past the point of being cold, and to the point of just hurting. When there’s wind at that temperature your hands stop working properly even if you’re wearing heavy gloves, so if you’re trying to get inside there is a real urgency but you can’t handle keys properly because your fingers just stop working. Your face is cold but it hurts and stings terribly, and honestly it’s why I own my very sexy neoprene face mask!

If you dress warmly you’ll be fine, and it gets to a point where it really just can’t get any worse so from there on out it will get better. It’s starting to mellow already though, and I’m very excited about it!

I think when I was 12 years old I wanted to be more normal and more in control. My parents didn’t let us watch TV, they were divorced, we went to hindu temple, I was vegetarian, I had moved schools five times already… I was always the new kid and always the different kid and it was kind of exhausting. Because I didn’t watch TV I didn’t follow any of the references that everyone else had, unless they were into Monty Python (Hint: They Weren’t). It wasn’t fun.

It has worked out well for me I think. I love the parts of me that are different now, and I’m definitely in control of my life more than I was when I was little.

Ask when everyone else started drinking! We have a booze stash at work that, every now and then, we get into mid-week.

Can I have a 14 way tie? No? Then it would be a tie between Deutlich, because she is a strong personality and someone I would love to talk to about her life, and Cusp of Normal’s Mermanda. I always end up g-chatting about really personal things to her randomly- I am compelled to share with her. I think that if we lived in the same city there would be a lot of ruckus.

I would be an Iron Chef judge in a second.

125 Personal Blogs that I read and comment on regularly and 55 Design/Fashion/Marketing ones.

We did a lot of research and decided that they were the best for us because of their size and energy, and then found a breeder really randomly! It worked out very well for all parties.

Ash is named for Ash/Evil Ash in the Evil Dead movies, and Mal is named for the captain in Joss Whedon’s TV show Serenity.

She repeated advice from my great grandmother Paraskeva (I know, we’re so Ukrainian) who said, “Men like the night because their deeds are dark.”.

Of mine? I love my Nots post and my DIY Boob Job for the wedding because it still makes me laugh.

Zooey Deschanel! I have an out of control girl crush on her. I would only use my powers to glean alternate bang styling techniques.

Probably making out with my now gay friend, then straight best friend during a Sarah McLachlan concert two days after I had broken up with my boyfriend of two years. My bf had been convinced that I had been cheating on him with my friend, and once we broke up my friend and I definitely went after each other. During the middle of our make out session in the middle of the concert by ex-bf tapped me on the shoulder. He had inexplicably been at the same concert and was sitting two rows directly behind us.

It was, without a doubt, one of the most brutally awkward moments of my life. And the guy I was making out with? We’re still friends and he is definitely one of two male 20 Something Blogger members from Winnipeg.

When you’re making out with someone at a Sarah McLachlan concert, someone you know is always two rows behind you. Everyone knows everyone, which is amazing for networking and getting jobs, but can be hard on the personal life.

Mac or PC?

MAC!

I would hire Chris Kirkpatrick as a grip on the show because he’s kind of small and odd. If I had to cast him I think he would be on a makeover show, making things over. In his small, odd, and awkward way.

If I could fill the world with so much nostalgic love for Caroline in the City that it was brought back for one season and it ran away with the ratings, I would do that just because it would be a really terrible way to use that kind of power. It would be that or slap bracelets.

I’ve lived in 9 different houses/apartments, but all have been in Manitoba. My first house, where I’m living now, definitely is where home is. It’s ours & we never have to leave if we don’t want to. After moving twice last year, it feels kind of like we have super powers.

Disaster! I can’t eat it because it has non-veg ingredients (or it did when I last checked in the mid-90s) but I love real fancy cheese and have no problem paying for it. I don’t need cheese dumbed down. Now spray cheese? That’s a whole other thing.

I’m a definite work in progress, but I’m working on all of it and I’m happy.

Definitely a treacherous enemy. At least I can respect a treacherous enemy, a treacherous friend is much worse.

I went to school with a lot of exchange program kids, and as a result I can communicate at a very high level with just about anyone who speaks 4 – 5 words in English.

Last words?
Thanks Rachel! = )