Confessions of Jersey Girl

It’s been twenty two days since i’ve posted.  Three weeks and one day since i’ve been here, and if i’m being completely honest with myself, the only reason i’m here now is because I feel obligated.  I feel like an asshole because I posted a freaking contest and then fell off the face of the earth without so much as an explanation.   My explanation?  Life happens.

Shortly after that post, Matt and I (from opposite sides of the world) decided to bring a feisty little Weimaraner puppy named Penelope into our lives.  I’ve been doing the whole puppy parenthood thing solo for the last two weeks, and while it’s been fun… getting a 3 month old puppy onto a schedule is exhausting.  She really is the best dog ever though, she already sits, shakes, lays down and is pretty fully crate and potty trained.

Shortly after I brought Penny home, I decided I needed some “me” time.  I had been a little overwhelmed lately with a very dear friend that had been staying with me, so she went elsewhere for a while.  That first night when it was just Penny and me, I was all set to order a pizza and drink a bottle of wine on my couch while watching DVRed episodes of Biggest Loser.  The universe, that cruel motherfucker, had different plans.

I got a call that night from a friend of  mine.  She had been in the hospital for the past few days and her 13 year old daughter was having a meltdown.  She had been staying with another family friend, but she wanted to be with me.  She asked if I would go get her.  Of course I would.  I love that little girl and her brother more than life itself.  Her brother is still at the other family friends house, which is fine, they have boys.  It’s great for him.  My schedule has been all out of whack this week since I have a teenager in my house.  They are doing standardized testing in the schools this week and a good breakfast is key to doing well on these things.  So, i’ve been up every day this week at 6am to cook breakfast for her and get out the door by 7:15 to get her to school by 7:30.

Then, the day before yesterday, Matt’s mom called.  His mommom Betty had passed away.  Matt couldn’t call home and his mom had to tell him that she had died via EMAIL.  This killed me.  Mommom Betty wasn’t a blood relative, but she might as well have been.  His mom is grieving, I can’t hug Matt and tell him it’s going to be okay.

Then yesterday, I got a call that Friend in the Hospital has the early stages of MS, or so the Dr.’s think.  Her father has it, it’s hereditary, it doesn’t look good.

And then last night, Matts mom called and another person in Matts family had passed away that night.

Toss into this mix some wedding dress chaos (they tried to send my second dress back before I could try it on!), some destination wedding headaches and some general normally wouldn’t be so bad life drama… i’ve been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for the past oh, eight or nine days.

I promise i’ll update you with a contest winner, lots of adorable blue eyed puppy goodness, wedding stuff and photography updates soon!  Matt gets home in just over three weeks (squeeeeeee!!!!), and i’m busy getting my house ready for all of that too.  Not that I think any of you are like worried about me or anything, life has just gotten a little chaotic lately.  Bear with me.

Now, do me a favor.  Tell me something funny, happy or silly in the comments.  Or tell me what you had for breakfast, or what you’re looking at right now, or where you wish you could be right now instead of where you are.  Just tell me something, I need a distraction, I need to laugh.

So, this past Thursday I dragged an army of seven girls out on a marathon dress shopping extravaganza.  (Everything sounds better when you call it an EXTRAVAGANZAAAAA! No? Just me? Sigh.)  Seriously.   I had a dentists appointment scheduled super early that morning so that I could get my fillings and not be drooling all over myself that afternoon when I was trying on wedding dresses.  Seriously, could you picture this?

“Um, I’m sorry honey, but you have to purchase this dress.”

“But, but, I HATE IT.”

“Well, you just drooled on it.  There’s nothing we can do.  It’s yours.”

I’m not gonna lie, I had that dream the night before, but thankfully… All was right with the world.  When I got home from my dentists appointment, I sipped on a smoothie and Sara curled my hair.  Since she’s pretty much my live-in stylist, we decided to do long, loose curls just like I’m thinking of doing on the day of the wedding.  It was beyond gorgeous.

Much to my surprise, all of out prepping actually worked out for the best!  The Boutique called and asked if we would be interested in being filmed for a promotional movie for their store!  I was beyond excited and so were both of my girls.  Yay!  We’re a good looking bunch, I tell ya.  I’m excited to see the finished product.

Around 1p, we all piled into a car and headed for the first shop, Tesi Bridals in Ventnor.  It’s about an hour, maybe a little more, away from my house (but so is everything else in this godforsaken state).   Me, my mom, Matt’s mom and two of my three bridesmaids piled into the SUV, powered up the Garmin and headed up the Garden State Parkway to Ventnor.

When that annoying British woman on the Garmin let us know we had reached our destination, we found ourselves outside a sort of… unassuming little shop.  Nothing fancy, that’s for sure.  Cute dresses in the window.  My friend Stephanie and I sort of looked at each other and I really think we simultaneously thought it couldn’t be any worse than Davids Bridal.

We walked in and were greeted by some of the friendliest girls in the world.  They seemed genuinely exited to see us, and we were taken to a room off to the side with a big fluffy couch, racks and racks of wedding  dresses lining the whole room and a bunch of mirrors with a pretty curtain around them so I could get changes and WOOOSH the curtain open (which we did.  A lot.  I’m all about the dramatic effect).   The girls gave us stacks of binders to look through and post it’s to mark off things we liked.  We went right to work.

I asked the attendant if she had any of the Nicole Miller dresses that I wanted to try on, and she told me that they were only able to locate one.  BUMMER.

And then, she brought it in.

I could feel my heart race.  I couldn’t wait to get it in my hot little hands.  I mean, sure… on the hanger, it looked like a crinkley, wrinkly mess… but I knew.  Guys, I KNEW.  My mother (aka. the iron FREAK) just shook her head.  She couldn’t believe that I would try on something that was supposed to be WRINKLED.  Like, being a disheveled mess on my wedding day might cause the earth to tilt off it’s axis or something.  I had to reassure her that I needed to get this dress out of my system and we’d move on to bigger and better things.

But, this dress was going to be FORM FITTING.  Like, HOLY HELL I NEED TO GO ON THE SUPERMODEL DIET ASAP.   JUST A LEAF OF PARSLEY FOR ME, THANKS.  Ugh.  And then, I saw the rack of SPANX.  Have you tried SPANX?  I mean, seriously.  This shit is amazing.  I immediately purchase a pair for me and a pair for each of my girls.  YES. (I have a post coming about the awesome that is Spanx.  Go get some.) I digress.

It was the first dress I tried on.  It was in my size (which is usually an effing six, but in Nicole Miller’s world… I’m a TEN.  A TEN.  I’m having a tough time with that.), it fit me like a glove.  It’s made of this silvery, gun metal taffeta stuff.  It stretches to hug my every curve.  IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE HEMMED.  DO YOU HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS PEOPLE?!  I’m 5′3 (barely).  I’ve never in my life met a garment that did not have to be hemmed at least two or three inches.  People, this was huge.  I don’t really know who they made this dress for, it’s so bizarre that it fit me so perfectly.

When they WOOSHED open the curtain, everyone oohed and ahhhed.  It was just like the movies.  My mother, the Queen of the Iron said that it took her breath away.   It was so perfectly me.  I was smitten.  I tried on another two or three dresses, but guys… I couldn’t even tell you what they looked like if I tried.  My heart was set on that gorgeous piece of Nicole Miller.

I asked to try it on again.  This time, when they WOOSHED the curtain open, there was a mother standing by the doorway with her little girl.  She was in the store shopping for a flower girl dress and wanted my opinion as “The Bride”.  I mean, WHAT?  I happily obliged, and told the little girl how pretty she looked in her dress.  She was smiling ear to ear and told me I looked pretty too.  It was one of the sweetest moments I have ever had in my little life.

I asked about the dress that I had originally come in to see, and they told me that it was the same fabric as this dress, but the style was a little different.  More poof.  Poof?  I like poof.  So, I put a deposit down on the dress that I tried on to hold it and I put another deposit down for them to special order the dress that I had originally wanted to see.  In about two weeks, I’ll get to try on BOTH dresses and have a Wedding Dress Showdown.  I’m excited.

There are no pictures because they weren’t allowed in the store until the dress is officially purchased.  BOO.

So, with that settled… we decided to look for Bridesmaids dresses!  I told the girls that I didn’t care one bit what they wore or what color, just that the color was the same.  So, they went out into the store to browse around and just as I was about to change out of my dress when I asked the attendant if I could just, you know… Leave it on.  SHE SAID YES.  I spent the next hour prancing about the store pulling armfuls of dresses for my girls, being filmed by the camera girl.  We laughed so hard and had the best time ever.  They gave is free run of the store, it was awesome.

We ended up not finding any Bridesmaids dresses at Tesi, but we had an appointment at Davids scheduled so we headed over that way to see if we could find anything.  Um.  WAY worse than the first time.  We had the same sales woman who was pushy, rude and completely unhelpful.   We felt like we were bothering her.  It was terrible.  We pulled our own bridesmaid dresses and took them back to try on ourselves.  When it came time for me to try on my favorite two dresses again, she huffed and puffed and made us feel terrible.  WE HAD AN APPOINTMENT.

The fluffy dress that I loved got seven no’s right across the board.  Pretty, but not quite ME.  The other more fitted dress was just plain awful this time around and I don’t know why.  At one point in our appointment, the saleswoman asked if I had seen another dress.  I was honest and told her that yes, I was a little in love with a Nicole Miller dress, but I just wanted to be sure.  She yanked my dress off of me and told me to “Go get your dress”.  Um, excuse me?!  I was HORRIFIED.  I got dressed, gathered my girls and walked out.  I had it narrowed down to two dresses and one designer.

Now, for you guys. A CONTEST. Weeee!

Go here.  Look around. Leave a comment with a link to one of the two dresses that you think I’ve picked.

Bonus, guess which TWO dresses I’ve picked.

If you guess one dress correctly, you get one entry.  If you get both dresses correctly, you get FIVE entries.

Post about this contest on your blog (and comment with the link here) and get another FIVE entries.

If I pick your name, you’ll be entered in a drawing to win a box full of Jersey AWESOME.  (Think along the lines of Tastykakes and Salt Water (Wooder) Taffy)

Contest ends FRIDAY APRIL 9th at 10pm EST.

This morning at work, there was a delivery.  A little old (and very gay.  VERY.  Which I think is fantastic, but also the funniest thing ever because cute old gay guy?  It kills me.  I love him so.) man came into my office.  He’s a familiar face, he owns the flower shop in town and I see him all the time.  It’s been quite some time since he’s had a delivery for me, but this morning… he did.  I looked up and he had this goofy smile plastered across his face and I knew.  The tears welled up in my eyes and I thanked him.  As fast as I could, I tore open the card that came with the beautiful arrangement of daisies.

“One more calendar flip and you’re in my arms.  All the love in the universe, Me.”

He sent me flowers. From Iraq.  He’s fighting a war and he sends ME flowers.   I was so taken back by it, there really was nothing else for me to do but cry.  Right then, one of my coworkers walked through the front door and was a little alarmed at the sight of my blubbering.  I waved her off with a laugh and let her know I was fine, a little emotional, but fine.  Actually, I was better than fine.   From half a world away, the man I love managed to make my day.  When I closed out at 5pm, I was still on cloud nine.

When I pulled into my driveway at 5:30, just like I do every day, I parked my car and checked the mail.  I rifled through the bills, the junk and the issue of Brides Magazine that I never subscribed to and have no idea why I get every month and at the bottom of the pile was a card.  It immediately caught my eye because it didn’t have a stamp.  My eyes went right to the address written on the front.  It was his handwriting.

I sat down on the steps of my front porch in the bright afternoon sunshine.  I felt the warmth on my skin.  I ran my fingers over the envelope, knowing that just a short time ago, he held it in his hands.  It was the closest i’d been to touching him since the beginning of December.  I could feel the tears well up again.

I opened the envelope slowly.  I just wanted to enjoy it as long as possible. It was a cute little card with two giraffes on the front.  He scribbled on the inside in his chicken scratch handwriting about it being a quick note to tell me that he loves me forever.  I clutched the card to my chest, I held it tight.  I miss him so much.

It’s funny how when you think about it, life is broken up into a series of moments.  One moment can be better than the one before it, and then in just one second… it can all go downhill again.  Today, a series of moments made my day, made me the happiest girl in the world.  These moments made me realize just how lucky I am to be the one that waits for him.

Since it’s April now (whoa.), I can officially start saying that Matt will be home NEXT MONTH!  Granted, it’s late next month (like the last few days) AND that’s if everything goes as planned… which anyone who is married to the military will know that doesn’t really happen too often.  Like, EVER.  But, it makes me feel better… so go with it.

When I think about it, part of me can’t believe that it’s April.  I mean, he’s been gone over four months.  It’s been four months since i’ve seen his face.  It’s been four months that i’ve had this ache in my chest.  I guess after 100+ days, part of you gets used to the feeling.  The constant worry, the sleepless nights, the taking your phone with you EVERYWHERE just in case he decides to call at some offbeat time.

The other part of me, mostly my heart, has counted the days of the past four months with agony.  Half of me is gone.  Not on vacation, not on business, but at WAR.  I worry how he sleeps, I get upset when I lay in our super comfy pillow top bed knowing that he’s got basically a cot.   I hold back tears when I get into his truck to take it somewhere and it still smells like him.  His uniforms for the PD are all dry cleaned and hanging in the closet covered in plastic, and when I get dressed in the morning, I run my fingers over them and think to myself how excited I am to see him back in those.  Every day for the last four months, my heart beats with an ache I can’t really describe, and on that hand… these months have felt like an absolute eternity.

I feel like I have so much to do though in the next two months.  The house has been untouched since he left, as far as decorating goes.  I have an office and a spare bedroom that I desperately need to put together, but I’m seriously lacking on the design inspiration.  I wonder if it’s because I miss him and I want him to be here with me to do all of this?

I wanted to lose ten pounds before he got home.  There’s still time for that, but i’ll really have to buckle down and get to business.  Running and eating well isn’t cutting it.  I really need to up the weight training.  I think my body has gotten used to the long runs and settled into what it wants me to look like, if that makes any sense.

I wanted to travel more, I have friends I want to see and I miss them!  Stupid wedding budgeting is not really allowing for the kind of travel that I could do before I had an insane mortgage/wave runner/ wedding payment looming over my head every month.  Boo to being an adult.

I guess it’s time to get productive, huh?