i’m going to be okay…
November 12th, 2009 at 8:20 am. Posted in Just Rachel.At least that is what I keep repeating to myself every single time I feel like I want to cry. The past two and a half weeks, it’s just been one thing after another, and truthfully? I’m so over it. I’ve racked my brain for answers as to why karma would be screwing me over so badly, but i’ve come up empty handed every single time. I suppose that’s just how life goes… The second you have things just how you want them and everything is perfect, WHAM… reality slaps you upside the head and reminds you not to be so cocky.
You probably already know this by now, but the puppy that Matt and I got didn’t make it. Stella fought as long and as hard as she could, but in the end she was just too sick and too small to make it. I cried for 48 hours and even typing these words now is getting me a little choked up. I wrote this huge post about it (4,000+ words) last week and wordpress ate it. I have another post about halfway done, but I don’t know if I have it in me to go through typing all of that out again. Basically, we had her at the vet all day every day that we had her, we were giving her IVs and pennicillin shots in our living room and we were up with her around the clock for the entire week. I found her on Halloween night in diabetic shock, and it was the most awful thing I have ever seen in my life. She had Parvo, Hookworm, Tapeworm and Coccidia… all of which are pretty scary for a 4lb puppy. I’m in the process of figuring out how to get this rescue shut down and held accountable for their actions, but it’s not looking too good. See, Pennsylvannia has this thing called a “Puppy Lemon Law”, which basically ensures that commercial kennels and breeders follow certain guidellines to make sure that they are adopting out healthy puppies. This law does not apply to non profit rescues, which basically means that the rescues can do whatever they want. So, i’m on a bit of a crusade of sorts and I’m not going to stop until WAGS Rescue is held accountable and shut down. We spent over $3,000 to save Stellas life, and I don’t want a dime of it back… I just don’t want this to happen to another family.
While all of this was going on with Stella, my car broke. I was in the parking lot of the vets office one morning after dropping her off and I was hysterical. I went to put my window down to get some fresh air and WHAM. My window slammed to the bottom of my door. SHIT. I couldn’t get it back up. I cried harder. I called my dad to come look at it. He didn’t think he could fix it, but he would try. Matt called and told me just to take it to the shop and getting it fixed… so I ran it down to the shop 5 minutes from my house. I was told it was going to cost $400 to fix. I needed a new window regulator and new clips that held my window in because inside my door was a disaster. GREAT. I opted not to get it fixed, my main concern at the time was Stella… I didn’t want to drop $400 on a freaking window, so I asked the mechanic if he could just get the window back UP so that I didn’t freeze to death and die. He said sure, he’d prop it up in the door with something. Awesome. When I went back to pick up my car and got a look at it, I realized that he propped my window up with DUCT TAPE. HE TAPED MY WINDOW UP WITH DUCT TAPE. How ghetto. So, I’m still riding around with duct tape holding my drivers side window up because I honestly just don’t care.
The day after all of that happened? SOMEONE HIT MY CAR. Hit my car and left. LEFT. This is the second time in as many years that this has happened to me. There is now a huge dent in the passenger side of my car, right behind the door. Honest to God, I didn’t even care when this happened, I wasn’t the least bit upset. I sort of expected the bad shit to just keep on flowing, so I accepted this and went home. Matt freaked, but there was nothing we could do, I don’t have full coverage on my car and without a license plate and someone to go after, the insurance company wasn’t going to pay for me to have it fixed. UGH.
Tuesday night? Matt sat me down and told me he is LEAVING FOR IRAQ in less than 4 weeks. Until JUNE. Breathe. Granted, it’s not a year. It’s not 18 months. Both of those time frames are so very common for deployments and I am grateful that he will only be gone for 6 months. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. I think the hardest part of this whole thing is that he is leaving SO SOON. He wasn’t supposed to be leaving until the end of January or beginning of February. I was excited to have him home with me for Christmas. Tuesday night, I drank myself silly and passed out on the bathroom floor. See? I’m coping well! Now though, I’m being strong for him, I refuse to let him see me cry. I made that decision on wednesday morning. He has a job to do and seeing me all upset and making him worry about me is NOT going to help him to do his job. So, I’ll cry and be sad on my own time. For now, I am just trying to hold his hand a little tighter, kiss him a little longer and spend every second I can just being close to him because that is all going to change in a few weeks. It’s not going to be easy, but we’re going to get through it.
Yes, you will get through it, but it’s okay to feel all those feelings. ::HUGS::